The Intimacy Deception, Balancing Hormones and the Noggin

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and guys utilize love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs analyze excellent sex as love. However those who fall under the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these songs, having sex carries tremendous meaning and effects.

Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:

A.they believe sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready as well).

B.more frequently, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as soon as they make love.
So, rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with truth when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are brought in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), makings the chance to make love with somebody we are brought in to incredibly tough to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), makings us feel really near and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are strong and involuntary , causing effective feelings of attraction, excitement, nearness, well-being, and love .

However when issues emerge, those who fall under the Sex Trap frequently justify by believing, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is excellent!" They most likely would not admit it, but they visit homepage focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay men, says that much of his clients have fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay males particularly in urbane locations, sex is readily available, which in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical appearance, encourages sexual activity. If a prospective partner is going to be sexually suitable, lots of gay males desire to find out from the starting. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be excellent?".

North adds, "I presume this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to point out that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a offered that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow in time.

When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with typical sense. While excellent sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner choices by paying complete focus on your vision, requirements, worths, and goals -- while feeling all those interesting triggers!

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