The Intimacy Snare, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the Mind

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and males use love to get sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs translate excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these songs, having sex brings immense significance and repercussions.

Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:

A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be excellent as well).

B.more frequently, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with truth when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), which makes the opportunity to have sex with someone we are attracted to extremely tough to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , causing effective feelings of tourist attraction, excitement, love, have a peek here well-being, and nearness .

However when problems arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically justify by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is terrific!" They most likely would not confess, however they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main searching tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay men, states that much of his customers have fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay men especially in city locations, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical look, encourages sex. If a potential partner is going to be sexually compatible, numerous gay men desire to find out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be good?".

However, North includes, "I suspect this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is very important. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though in some cases it can grow with time.

Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears away and reality hits.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While great sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you have browse around this site to make your partner choices by paying full focus on your vision, objectives, values, and requirements -- while feeling all those amazing triggers!

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